Four Cornerstones For GREAT Relationships

8 Oct

We have invited Dating Coach Rick Soetebier to share simple relationship truths with Single Mothers. Many single mothers want to date and re-marry, however just as many have no idea where to start. Before jumping into the dating scene unprepared, take time to read and evaluate your dating goals and understand the Four Cornerstones of a Great Relationship.  As we build for the future, let’s build on a firm foundation.

This is part 1 in a 2-part series to encourage you as you build a relationship that will stand the test of time. 

In my study of relationships over the past 30 years, I have determined there are Four Cornerstones of Great Relationships. Knowledge of and understanding these key components of a great relationship are crucial in your search for your extraordinary mate. The Four Cornerstones of Great Relationships are the foundation on which you need to build any long-term romantic relationship. Without all four cornerstones, our relationships become unstable.


The Four Cornerstones consist of an Intellectual, Spiritual,
Emotional and Physical connection

Let’s review the first two cornerstones and their importance to a relationship.

The Intellectual Connection

This can be the most complicated connection to develop of the Four Cornerstones and may be the most overlooked. In developing an extra-ordinary solid relationship you should seek to share similar financial, social and political values. You will also want to mutually respect each others intellect, hobbies, etc.  When you share the same values and have respect for each other, you will find that communication is easier and happens more freely.  You should be able to talk about anything and everything without conflict; it doesn’t necessarily mean you will agree on everything, however you will find that you will be able to share ideas and, if necessary, agree to disagree.

In addition to the values listed above, there are personal morals and values that each of us have; the fundamental difference of right and wrong and the importance you place on standards of living your life.

Are money and material things (houses, cars, boats, etc.) important to you?
Are relationships (friends, God, nature, etc.) more important to you?
Or, is it somewhere in between?

Have you ever finally met someone you have been infatuated with? Then, in just two minutes of conversation you realize that their lights are on but no one is home! This can be a very awkward and disappointing moment.

Then there are the relationship connections that are very unique and rare. These are the ones that, for lack of a simpler explanation, seem to be two people functioning as one mind. The two of you seem to think of the same thing at the same time, express similar, if not identical, opinions. These connections can be simply magical if you let them. They are not Hollywood or romance novel moments, but a genuine connection. These incredible connections may not last for long periods of time, but when they do, they can give you goose bumps. The key is to recognize and enjoy them.

The Spiritual Connection

When developing a serious relationship, it is extremely wise to share similar spiritual beliefs and values. If you are protestant, you should be with a protestant, Catholic with Catholic, Jew with Jew, atheist with atheist, etc. Maybe you are not in the same place spiritually,  one may have a life-long journey with the Lord and the other may be a Christian for a few years; but you should both be moving in the same direction.

Spiritual compatibility allows us to draw closer to others intellectually and emotionally as well. Building on a common belief system also helps us to avoid the stumbling blocks of competing spiritual beliefs, not going to church (synagogue, mosque, etc.) together, celebrating competing holidays and religious mile stones (baptism, confirmation, bar mitzvah) etc.

A few years ago, I shared a conversation with a woman who had been recently divorced.  As we talked, she revealed the she and her ex-husband were not of the same religion. Even though they were both Christians, he was Catholic and she was Protestant. Not once in the seven years they were married did they go to church together. Every Sunday, he went to his church and she went to hers. In spite of this fact, she thought they were soul mates. Then, one day to her surprise, he brought home divorce papers. She never saw the missing spiritual connection as a problem yet it was a major contributing factor to the end of her marriage.



Some Things To Think About As You Consider Building A Lasting Relationship

We are created to be spirit, soul, and body; therefore when evaluating becoming one with someone else, it is a good idea to consider being on the same page spiritually.

Have you taken time to consider these two pillars before?
What are the important qualities that you are seeking in a relationship in the areas of Intellectual and Spiritual Connections?
Take a few minutes and begin to write down what qualities are important to you in these two areas in building a lasting love with someone.

Over the past 30 years, Rick Soetebier has been a student of self and relationship improvement and has become an astute observer of people and relationship issues.  Over time and through a relationship and marriage that ended after 25 years, Rick started to develop some of the fundamental principles that are found in his book, Dating Backward: A practical guide to dating and finding your soul mate.  You can benefit through his observations, education, research and personal experience by letting him help you make better relationship decisions. To learn more about Rick and his monthly workshops visit: Love for a Lifetime

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