Speaking Life Over our Children

18 Sep

shutterstock_193403027As a 21 year-old mom I had no grid for speaking ‘life’ over my children. I was trying to make it through life. My marriage was rocky (great and not so great times) I had no support system as a young mother and no relationship with the Lord.

Growing up in a shame-based home where disappointment resulted in withdraw, or being made to feel shameful; I did not have any skills or examples of how to do things differently. Unfortunately, shamed based people shame others and I found myself crushing the spirit of my children and my husband time and time again. My words could tear down without a second thought and I would be on my merry way, the victor.

I am so thankful for the saving grace of God, for myself and those whom I love so dearly. When my daughters were young I started going back to church, God in His kindness, surrounded our family with older couples who had a better understanding of the impact of speaking life. I began to watch and learn from others.

When my issues of rejection and abandonment were tormenting my soul after my husband left; I pressed my face into the heart of Jesus my Bridegroom and learned first-hand how affirmation, blessing, and loving words heal a wounded spirit. I vowed to be like Jesus to others (it’s biblical…we are His BODY and a reflection of Him here on earth) and so I had to learn new ways of speaking. Bit by tender bit the Lord was leading me into truth that brought freedom to my heart and healing to my children.

As I have grown in years, I hope God has also developed some wisdom in me. I have learned the power of the tongue over the years and have come to understand what James means when He says :

See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire…The tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life…No one can team the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and with it we curse men…from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing…does a fountain send out from the same opening both fresh and bitter water? James 3: 5-12

I longed for change in my life so I did the following:

  • I read books
  • I studied and meditated on scripture like the one above, which caused sorrow that led to repentance.
  • But mostly I listened to the way the Father, Son and Spirit spoke to me, the words of life they offered to my weary soul. As I set my heart to listen to them, I was changed from the inside out.

If you as a single mother are struggling with feelings of anger and resentment, if you are convicted about the way you speak to your children and are seeing the effects of your critical words on their countenance there is HOPE.

FIRST we have to see our need for change. This is called conviction. Mine came as I saw the faces of my children drop, or as I read passages like the one mentioned above, and even as I saw other parents interact with their children.

SECOND we have to desire change. That sounds almost absurd, but change is hard, it takes energy and oftentimes we are content with things the way they are because truthfully, we have enough on our plate.

THIRD is repentance. Repentance means to turn away from and into GOD. It takes humility to say I missed the mark and truly apologize. Oftentimes it means to confess our sins to those we have wounded too.

FOURTH we must surround ourselves with truth, life giving words that bring life to our own spirits. We give what we have and if we are not filling our cup with the goodness of the Lord we have either an empty cup to give to others or a polluted pool for others to drink from.

He who believes in Me, as the Scripture said, ‘From his innermost being
will flow rivers of living water.’” John 7:28

Following are some simple ways to allow the ‘living water’ to flow over your children:

  1. It’s Super Fun going to _________  with you
  2. I love when you help me _______
  3. Our home is a lot more _______ because of you
  4. You’re Super Talented at ________
  5. When you were a baby it always made me laugh when you ______
  6. If you were a superhero your name would be ______ because you ______
  7. I love the stuff you ______
  8. Your ______makes me happy
  9. I love hearing about your _______
  10. I love the way you think about _______

You won’t get it right 100% of the time, I still ‘bubble over’ in ways that are painful to others; however because of the grace of God, I soon realize when my words have brought discouragement or condemnation to someone and I am quick to repent.

What are some other ways you can bless your children?

Smiling Misty

Misty Honnold is the founder and director of The Single MOM KC. Her highest honor and favorite title has been MOM for the past 30 years. Her new favorite title is GRAMMY. Misty is passionate to bring the message of HOPE to single mothers throughout the nation. She also seeks to help educate the church on effective ministry to single mothers. Misty would love to help you build a single mother ministry in your church. To schedule a speaking engagement or consultation visit Misty at: Misty@thesinglemomkc.org.

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